An identity without one’s own truth can only be a false identity.

A healthy identity is a phenomenon that is defined, enduring, and consistently carries the same value.

DR. Meral AYDIN

Identity is evaluated through the definitions of subjective and social identity in two different contexts. Beyond these two main themes, it can evolve into many different sub-definitions from psychological, sociological, anthropological, and cultural perspectives. In this article, I will examine the interaction between subjective and social identity from a psychological standpoint.

 In the past, when people met one another, they would ask, “Which family are you from?” Before the Surname Law, every family had a nickname and a title, and through these nicknames, the socio-economic status, social influence, and public recognition of that kinship group could be understood. On the other hand, one of my clients, in individual therapy, spoke about his need for belongingness and therefore his need to be embraced, recognized, and made to feel that he belonged to his family. He said, “I need to be part of someone, to belong to them.” However, the sense of belonging he was expressing was entirely different from a social or cultural definition; rather, it described a need to be accepted and embraced exactly as he is, with his unique individual existence. The need to feel part of and to belong—both in our unique individual existence and in our social existence—arises from our necessity to define ourselves regarding something. If I can define myself and my identity only regarding something else, then it is hardly possible for me to have a self or an identity independent of that thing. In that case, is there a way to define me exactly as myself? Can I openly and clearly manifest my selfhood and spontaneous existence within my identity?

 In Winnicott’s stark yet profound statement, “It is a joy to be hidden and a disaster not to be found” (as cited in Chabert, 2008), he points to the mother’s sufficiently attuned and timely interventions that accompany the child’s play in the potential space. He offers guidance regarding the interactional processes through which the mother discovers and brings forth what is hidden within the child through play, how this interaction creates an appropriate resonance for the child, and how these processes contribute to the development of the child’s true self and character, which are still forming and not yet fully revealed.

  Being born to a sufficiently good mother and a sufficiently good environment, as well as possessing optimal mental health, are the most fundamental building blocks for an individual to reach their real self. If we are genetically equipped with adequate and healthy capacities, the individual will have the capacity to continually reconstruct themselves throughout lifespan. In my view, the real self always exists as an indestructible potential. However, reaching one’s own reality requires individual and grueling effort. When describing self-formation, Masterson distinguishes between the false self and the real self, defining this distinction in his article published in Self Magazine as follows: “People adopt an illusory coping under the pressure of their false self and use it in place of the real self. They become dependent on others and constantly attempt to obtain inner security from them to soothe their feelings of worthlessness” (Masterson, 1985).

  All attempts made by human beings to adapt to inner and outer reality are defined in psychology as defense mechanisms. Even the false self is the primary defense mechanism established by the individual to form a stable and continuous sense of self, personality, and identity. I will not go into details here; however, for an individual to form their real self, the defense mechanisms they employ depend on the mother’s capacity to see, hear, contain, soothe, provide safety, and offer mature guidance toward life as the baby truly is. This requires the mother to possess healthy ego capacities. I always state this clearly: the only fate an individual cannot change is their mother’s ego capacities. Beyond that, life itself is a long run process of repair.

 While E. Erikson (1968) speaks of the dual and inseparable nature of the self and the ego, he primarily emphasizes the ego’s synthesizing power within the context of ego identity and its central psychosocial function. In the context of self-identity, he defines the integration of the individual’s role images. At this point, Masterson refers not to ego identity but to self-identity when the individual perceives themselves as having uniformity in substance and continuity over time (Masterson, 1985, p. 33). That is, the self is the individual’s true core potential, but it can sustain healthy development only through ego capacities. At this stage, the ego and the self must function as dominant dynamics progressing at the same pace. Deficiencies in ego development led to stagnation in self-development and a tendency toward the development of a false self.

Emotion regulation and the art of self-soothing are fundamental life skills. Psychoanalytic speculists regard these as among the most important psychic tools. Emotionally healthy infants learn to apply their caregivers’ soothing styles to themselves and are less harmed by the emotional fluctuations of the brain (Kohut, 2004, p. 107). Kohut primarily focused on the origins and evolution of capacities such as self-soothing, self-acceptance, self-activation, self-assertion, creativity, and the regulation of self-esteem. In this context, self-psychology emphasizes achieving a coherent experience of the self that remains stable, predictable, autonomous, and continuous over time, despite changing emotional states (Klein, 1989, p. 32).

  At this point, it will be useful to elaborate on self-capacities and to explain in more detail below how each of these contributes essentially to the development of the real self within the Masterson Approach. The self obtains wholeness and autonomy by passing through the following stages and acquiring all vital capacities, or self-functions:

1. Spontaneity and Vitality of Affect: The capacity required to feel affect deeply, vividly, energetically, intensely, excitedly, and spontaneously.

2. Self-Assertion (Self Antithesis): Through early experiences strengthened by parental acceptance and support of the emerging self, perception becomes convinced that the self has gained the right to appropriate authority and will, as well as access to the environmental resources necessary to acquire these objects. It is the acquisition of the will to emerge fully as oneself.

3. Self-Activation and Self Affirmation and Support: The capacity to identify and define one’s unique individuation desires and to use independent initiative and affirmation to express them in real life, support them, and defend them when under attack. This affirmation is a tool for ensuring sufficient self-esteem.

4. Acceptance of Self Activation and Establishment of Self-Confidence: The individual’s recognition and acceptance that their self-copes positively and adaptively with either an affective state, an environmental issue, or both. This acceptance serves as a driving force for appropriate self-confidence and independent action.

5. Capacity for Self-Competence: Emerging from early competence experiences dependent on the support of the “emerging self” and parental acceptance, this perception enables the self to gain competence in distinguishing pleasure and mastery experiences, alongside the environmental inputs necessary to obtain these objects.

6. Affirmation of Self Activation and Continuity of Self-Esteem: In both senses of the term, the individual identifies and accepts their state of self and overcomes an affective state, environmental problem, or task with an adapted and positive attitude.

7. Soothing of Distressing Affects: The autonomous regulation of capacity, meaning the soothing, limiting, and minimizing of painful affects.

8. Consistency of the Self: Through effective supraordinate regulation, the description and acceptance that the “I,” as the subject of a particular experience, continues its experience over time and can identify with the “I” of another experience.

9. Capacity for Commitment (Attachment): The self’s dedication to an object or a relationship and its persistence in striving toward the goal despite all obstacles, without relinquishing the orientation toward achievement.

10. Capacity for Creativity: Using the self to replace old familiar patterns with new, original, and different ones.

11. Capacity for Intimacy: The ability to fully express the self within a close relationship while experiencing minimal anxiety about the relationship ending or being abandoned.

12. Capacity for Autonomy: The capacity to regulate affect and self-esteem freely and autonomously with minimal fear of abandonment or engulfment.

  At the level of the real self, the individual possesses healthy, mediating, and mature defense mechanisms and can hold the capacities to love and to hate simultaneously. Individuals who possess a real self are open to sharing in relationships with others; they can make commitments, show intimacy, develop empathy, and interact on a level that accepts others’ individual thoughts, feelings, and desires. Internally, such individuals can self-soothe, self-accept, act spontaneously, activate the self, and express themselves, doing all of this with affective vitality and creativity.

 Although a person may possess real self-capacities, identity refers to the arenas in which this structure is displayed on a social plane. Therefore, it is essential for individuals to integrate and sustain self-consistency within identity consistency. Today, copy-paste identities, inconsistencies, and the unrecognizable transformation of moral and social values—no longer shared at a common integrative point—are leading toward a society of false identity and/or identitylessness. The clarity of self and identity definitions is the most important factor in establishing interpersonal trust.

 Trust should be as immutable as being certain that gravity will always exist and carry me whenever I step on the ground. Yet despite today’s massive highways, solid ground to stand on is rarely where it should be. The “zeitgeist” of our era—the spirit of the times—is like the inflationary economy. An inflationary economy creates space for adversities and opportunism, and irregularities proliferate. The moral order of society fluctuates with constantly changing prices, and people enter conflicts of interest with siblings, neighbors, and partners in order to gain more or avoid loss. Adaptation to reality becomes sacrificed to bending reality itself. At this point, crooked, distorted, and coercive identities can find justifying grounds for themselves.

 A healthy identity is defined, enduring, and consistently holds the same value. Identities whose value is questioned daily and that must be redefined according to a new value each day can only move toward confusion and chaos. In such cases, social memory, along with social identity, becomes uprooted. Yet we cannot flourish without being rooted. Human beings must always remember who they come from, and by holding onto the fundamental building block of identity—that our essential being is based on being human—must protect both their own existence and the existence of the other with unwavering value. Thinking deeply and philosophizing about human identity remains one of our highest values.

This article was published in Psikeart Journal, Issue 104, a special issue dedicated to the theme of Identity.

REFERENCES

Chabert, C. (2008). Borderline functioning: Which boundaries? Psychoanalytic writings. Istanbul: Bağlam Publishing.

Klein, R. (1989). Introduction to the disorders of the self. In J. F. Masterson & R. Klein (Eds.), Psychotherapy of the disorders of the self: The Masterson approach. New York: Brunner/Mazel.

Kohut, H. (2006). The restoration of the self (O. Cebeci, Trans.). Istanbul: Metis Publishing.

Kohut, H. (2004). The analysis of the self (O. Cebeci, Trans.). Istanbul: Metis Publishing.

Masterson, J. F. (1985). The real self: A developmental self and object-relations approach. New York: The Free Press.

Masterson, J. F. (1988). Search for the real self: Unmasking the personality disorders of our age. New York: The Free Press.